Tires screeched on the street and I squeezed the steering wheel. Foot jammed into the brake pedal like I was doing a leg press. The car finally stopped. I’m fine, everyone’s fine. No collision. Thank you god I’m okay everyone’s okay.

Three in the afternoon.  I’d been awake for over twenty four hours.  On a night float rotation. Six to six.  After the night shift ended I’d go into the operating room and assist the surgeons.  My mantra was that no one can work harder than me.  No one is built like me.  I will outwork everyone.

On my night float rotation I’d take admissions and hold the pager and tend to overnight activities and play ping-pong with my coresidents but I’d also crank out research papers and never fucking stop working.  When shift ended at six in the morning and the day team came in to get report my comrades would groggily recount the night’s events and admissions before going home and sleeping.  I’d do the same, but after sign out, I’d drive to a different hospital to scrub into surgeries.  High on reckless ambition and a chip on my shoulder. Drive home from those in the afternoon, smack myself in the face to stay awake, roll through a drive through to get some calories.  Eat fast food dog food until I were full then go home and pass out for two hours then go to work and do it all again.  

No one was going to out work me. 

Some days that sick thought creeps in. You realize nobody cares. Everything you do is meaningless. 

Well. At least I avoided this collision. 

Close one.