Went home to visit family and friends. Buddy invites me to his daughter’s first birthday party and I’m like: Jesus, how long have I been gone. He invited me to his wedding but I couldn’t get the time off to fly home for it. So I forgot he was even married. Now he has a daughter and I’m just — oblivious.
Then my mom, she makes me dinner and we’re hanging out and she not-so-subtly starts rambling about how her friend Terri’s son who is my age got married two years ago and his wife is pregnant. Yeah I get it mom you want grandchildren.
Reflect on my own life. Hook ups and dates and talking stages until I fade out and move onto the next. Fun? Sure. But any human can admit it’s empty after a certain point. And I’m always third or fifth or seventh wheeling my coresidents with their spouses. Deep down I want to feel something again.
But I mean… I don’t go out much. I spend most time in the hospital and I already pseudo-dated one nurse at my hospital. That ended and became awkward. Swore I’d never swim in that river again. The gym, forget it. And dating apps — they feel like a butter knife slowly cutting off my limbs.
So what then.(more…)