What if I get fired. What could I do:

1. Reapply to other residencies, a different field, something. Sensible. Actually no I can’t run it back a third time.

2. Make and sell drugs Walter white style. Hated Ochem lab, my drugs would suck and I would get executed with my body dumped in a denny’s dumpster. 

3. Onlyfans. Get no subscribers. Humiliating. 

4. Start a band. Completely fail. Become guy who plays Journey covers at beach bar to old people on vacation. 

5. Impregnate really rich girl, like, heiress rich. Stay at home dad, throw the ball with the kids, fine tune my cooking skills. Please? Haha.

6. Med spa. Botox, filler, the works. Hire hot girls to market for me. This is plausible. 

7. Move to like, Costa Rica, live in modest shack of an apartment. Bartend. Invest soul in Taoism. Take up surfing. Become Paul Rudd in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I can do this.

8. This. 

9. Get a girl, any girl, with a good job pregnant before they realize I’m a loser. For years I’ve been warned about getting a girl pregnant and the ramifications. Well: uno reverse. 

10. Start using anabolic steroids, take my physique to the next level, claim natty, curate my Instagram, take motivational gym videos, become fitness influencer, peddle useless supplements. Profit?

11. Start bartending again. Become degenerate. Indulge in a life of unchecked hedonism. Realize at 40 I’m a loser and need to check in for a long stay at the Betty Ford Center. 

12. Invent new dating app that’s slightly better than tinder and hinge or whatever. I have ideas. But I haven’t the slightest fucking clue how people create apps. 

13. Move in with mom. I can deal with her nagging me about taking out a the trash for the delicious food. 

14. Move in with dad. We could watch football on Sundays while he tells me what an idiot I am. He’s not wrong. 

15. Beg on the street corner. Use cardboard cutout sign with my ERAS pic to guilt people into giving me money.  

16. Teach like physiology or something at local college. I like teaching so this could work. But die perennially renting with 200 grand in debt and the shame of being an almost-yet-failed doctor.

17. Consulting. Every r/residency redditor’s pseudo wet dream. Well I hate computers and numbers and I need to be threatened to respond to work emails so scratch that.

18. Career in research at public university (LMAO)

19. Work on one of those oil rigs for 6 months a year for six figures. Become reason they have to reset calendar to “0 days since last accident”.

20. Go to fortune teller who unirocally tells me great fortunes will abound at the right time. Listlessly drift through life waiting for my ray of sunshine, my moment. 20 years down the road realize I got scammed. Can you believe it.

21. Buy the best bottle of single malt I can afford. Drink it on the beach. Listen to my favorite music. Wait until three in the morning then see how far out I can swim.

22. Join a gang. Make a hilarious yet untimely joke and get executed.

23. Get an MBA and parlay it with my medical degree into becoming a hospital administrator. If you can’t beat ‘em, join em. Right.

24. Buy one way ticket to like, Colombia or Thailand. Show up with nothing. Figure it out. Pretty rock n roll if you ask me.

25. Start testosterone clinic for forty and fifty-somethings with money who want an edge. Str8 cash homie.

26. Hey uh yeah how bout I just keep my job? Wouldn’t that be something.