I know, I know. There are probably hundreds of these very same articles online. Every website about anything has 10 types of people you meet in ________. Types of people you see in the gym, types of people you’ll befriend in the nursing home, types of people you meet in AA, types of people you meet in prison, and so on. But I don’t really care and I will do this anyways.

The 18 People You Meet in Med School 

 

1. The Try Hard

Half the reason you don’t go to lecture is to avoid this person, yet you still hear them ask the professor questions every ten minutes in the audio recording. Often asks questions that they already know the answer to in this formula: “So let me get this straight…” followed by repeating exactly what the professor just said a minute prior. Does this to endear themselves to the lecturer, but the lecturer clearly hates them. Just as you’re about to be dismissed, they ask a very loaded question which extends the lecture for ten minutes. Likely visits office hours weekly for “clarification” on a difficult topic that they definitely already know. Embroidered their name on their short white coat immediately after the white coat ceremony. Hands out business cards at conferences. Has a hard time suppressing the urge to smile after getting a question right. During Dean’s Hours when other classmates are complaining to the administration about a legitimate problem, the try hard will interject and say, “I just want to state that the views of certain colleagues do not reflect our collective attitudes; I think the administration is doing a fantastic job”. Will end up in internal medicine.

 

2. Did You Know I’m in Med School?

Weekly Instagram posts of a pristine Macbook pro, a notebook displaying perfect handwriting from at least six different pen colors, drawings of biochemical pathways even though biochem ended two months ago, a copy of First Aid with many post-it notes to mark pages that you haven’t even covered in class yet, a steaming mug of espresso with latte art depicting the Rod of Asclepius, and of course, a stethoscope. Refined with a $29.99 VSCO filter. The caption reads: “Its finals week. I’m stressed. I literally haven’t slept in 3 days. My blood is pretty much, like, 80% caffeine. I’ve been studying 23 hours every day. All I want to do is sleep. Sometimes it’s hard to keep going, but then I think of my future patients. They’re the reason I’m doing this. I will not let them down. #coffee #ugh #stressed #doctor #blessed”. Posts Snapchat stories of studying (b.i.d.). Strong reason to believe this individual will write a 500 word Facebook post to commemorate standing in the corner during her “first delivery”. Gets at least 300 likes on every Instagram picture, but has never been spotted with another human being. Will probably show up to high school class reunion in white coat, because, have any of those “regular people” ever heard of Q1 call?

 

3. How Are You Still Here?

Always at the bar. You know this because of the snapchats. Says, “I’m still catching up on last week’s lectures” three days before the block exam. Failed a block but successfully remediated over winter break. Always looking for an Adderall plug. Thrilled with a 75% passing grade after each exam. Set on primary care. Actually doesn’t even know what an Otolaryngologist is. Has never heard of Pathoma. Exclusively studies Monday through Thursday when it doesn’t interfere with drinking. You’re low-key kind of jealous of their approach to life. Highly respectable.

 

4. Expert Political Analyst

Always bringing you the latest totally unbiased political updates on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Has either Breitbart or The Huffington Post as their internet homepage. If you don’t agree with them, you are either a neo-nazi with a Swastika tattooed over your heart or a flag-burning hippie prancing around in rainbow colored underwear at every PRIDE festival within a 500 mile radius, depending on their leaning. Probably puts “swipe LEFT if you voted for X candidate” in their Tinder bio. Somehow weaves politics into a conversation about sports. Truly believes that their preferred candidate has many characteristics in common with Jesus.

 

5. The Premature Family Man

Only drinks craft beers with ratings of 4.5 stars or above on his favorite beer review blog. Longing for his Mrs. Right. His idea of a night out is a few imperial IPAs and catching the game at the local tavern. Refers to said tavern as “the watering hole”. Often makes comments such as, “I can’t drink like I used to”. Refers to “the college days” with the nostalgia of a forty year old. He’s actually 24 years old.

 

6. Pick Me, Pick Me!

Week two of medical school. Everyone’s just getting to know each other. Clinician asks for a student to volunteer as a patient so he can demonstrate heart & lung auscultation techniques. This guy whips off his shirt like Channing Tatum in that magician movie en route towards the front of the classroom. Sits there for five minutes holding an impressive soft flex in front of his new peers. This was his motivation for those early morning workouts all summer. This is his moment. Only has a 4 pack.

 

7. The Really Cool Dude

Posts to the class Facebook page after the exam asking if everyone’s ready to turn TF UP. Actually orders a water between every alcoholic beverage. Claims to black out an awful lot. And apparently keeps a log of how many drinks he had, while blacked out. Likely went to a very small private school. Performs exceptionally well on exams. Uses the word “faded” a little too much. Asks you how much Plan B costs. Definitely has sex.

 

8. The Pseudo Health Freak

Has never worked out without posting a snapchat story to document it. Probably does not believe that people exercise if they don’t prove it. Also posts daily snapchat stories of all the salads they eat. Loves, and I mean loves, avocados. Only shops at Whole Foods. Asks servers at restaurants if the food is “organic”. Definitely has a couple “13.1” bumper stickers on the back of their car. The epitome of healthy living until the weekend hits and they smash on three slices of pizza while completely blacked out.

 

9. The Globetrotter 

Will post a snapchat from across the country and be in class the next morning. Friendly personality and fun to drink with when the family private jet is being serviced for a weekend. Definitely wants to do derm. Flew into the eye of hurricane Irma and parachuted into an orphanage for blind children to help in relief efforts. Whether riding a camel with Giza in the background, meditating with the locals in Nepal, or eating sashimi at the peak of Mount Olympus – there is always a professional quality photo. Explored all seven continents, just over this past summer. Has probably been to space as well.

 

10. The Guy Who is Definitely Better Than You

Went to a top 20 undergrad school. Mentions this pretty often. Has no qualms with mentioning his MCAT score. It wasn’t even that high. Still upset that he wasn’t invited for an interview at Johns Hopkins. Often consults you for advice on his internal turmoil of whether to choose derm or neurosurgery. Master of the humble-brag. Then he gets drunk and talks about how his undergrad institution was the best school ever. No seriously, the best. Says he “found himself” there. I assume that means he got high once on a night off from his prestigious cancer research. Everyone who went to a state school is below him. Has actually said the phrase, “my school was better than yours and you missed out”, at 24 years old, in medical school. Ironically scores average on exams.

 

11. Probably Has Alma Mater’s Mascot Tattooed on His Ass

Shares similar features with number ten, but much more likable. Often references college, but only when telling stories about non-academic pursuits. Lively & refreshing personality in the medical school bubble. Usually down to day drink on Saturday unless he’s visiting his boys back in college. Doesn’t make it past midnight very often. Buys you shots that you cannot refuse. Used to bartend in college and make around 15 grand a night. Threesomes were a weekly occurrence. He ran his school. Type of guy to visit Vegas and say, “Vegas will never be the same after we’re done with it”. Prolific Bumble user. Really needs to stop talking about cocaine in front of numbers 1, 2, 5, 6, 8, 10, 12, 13, and 15.

 

12. Did You Even Go to College?

Claims med school is the best time of his life. He’s never had this much fun before. The guys he studies with will be his groomsmen on his wedding day. Scoffs at anyone who complains about the administration. Exclusively wears school apparel. Genuinely believes every mandatory activity is an enriching learning opportunity. Was accepted at a more prestigious school, but chose this one because he identified with the “about” page on the school’s website.  He can recite every word of the school’s mission statement with the command of a 17 year old Ivy League hopeful at a speech & debate tournament. He didn’t just drink the College of Medicine Kool-Aid, he did a two minute keg stand on it while the dean held his ankles.

 

13. Mr. Front and Center

Best friends with #1. Wears a shirt and tie to lecture every day while the rest of the class is in sweatpants. Saw you reading my blog in class instead of paying attention and now secretly despises you. Hates how everyone else is just so immature. Fantasizes of the day they catch someone copying another student’s homework assignment so they can go straight to dean to report a perpetration of academic dishonesty to receive their gold star. Most third year evals will say, “lacking in social skills”.

 

14. The Meme Hero

At least weekly, you receive a notification on your phone alerting you of a new post in your class’s group page. You open the notification, thinking perhaps that someone is posting a reminder of a homework assignment due at the next day, a study guide, or a video that explains heart murmurs. But no. It’s a meme. Has something to do with medical school being difficult. Like the dog sitting a room engulfed in flames saying “this is fine” with a caption like, “when you’ve have a written exam on Friday, a lab practical Wednesday, five evals to do, and they give you more assigned readings”. Frickin’ med school, right? Hilarious.

 

15. Junior Peace Corps Activist

Universally liked by everyone. Always emailing you about signing up to volunteer for really niche service activities like knitting sweaters for stray dogs. Asks how you’ve been with genuine care. Re-instills your fleeting hope for the future of humanity. Makes your heart warm and fuzzy thinking that they’ll be someone’s doctor someday.

 

16. Who Do You Know Here?

You sat down with your new PBL group in spring and saw this strange face sitting at the table across from you. You swear you’ve never seen them before. You actually have to look up the class list to figure out their name. Doesn’t say a word. Probably wants to be a Pathologist.

 

17. McDreamy Wannabe

Somewhere along the line, probably when he was talking to some girl at a house party when he was a sophomore in college, he told a girl that he wanted to be a doctor and she called him “McDreamy”. He took that comment and embedded it into his DNA. This guy pays $60 for a haircut, which he gets twice a week. He loves chinos. Owns at least 10 watches, each of which perfectly compliments a certain shoe or tie. Envisions himself as a GQ model. Bought perfectly fitting scrubs for anatomy lab, which he likely had tailored. Probably has a Patrick Bateman-esque morning routine, minus the flawless body. Likely sends selfies to his new prospects on snapchat every time he puts on his white coat. Filtered, of course. Tinder profile probably says, “College of Medicine class of 2020. Future pediatric oncologist”, with one picture in his white coat, another of him holding a poor Ecuadorian boy from a mission trip, and possibly one with a puppy to cover all bases. Despite the valiant effort, he still doesn’t get any girls.

 

18. The Weird Dude

Only shows up to mandatory activities, exams, and parties. Everyone’s friends with him, but no one is best friends with him. He never follows through with plans, no matter how many times he promises he’ll text you. Often shows up early so he can claim the seat in corner back row. Calls either his mom or his girlfriend immediately after lecture just so he isn’t trapped in small talk. Somehow gives off a dumb vibe and gets frustrated when people ask if he passed, when he actually considers an 85 a failure. Probably does weird shit like go home and make songs on GarageBand with samples of Goljan and Sattar while writing about about medical school on his anonymous blog that no one knows he has.

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It is important to note that the majority of my class does not fall into any of these categories. These are the extremes of the bunch – most simply fall into the category of normal with a nerdy side. If you enjoyed this post and want to ensure that you make the most of your time in medical school and don’t fall into one of these categories, check out Do’s and Dont’s of Medical School

For even more on medical school, click the link to my medical school page featuring stories, advice, and more stupid articles that I wrote instead of studying: Med School

For the latest updates on my posts and daily tips on success in medical school, follow me on Twitter: @JordanSoze